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Everyone has a superpower.

Some are financial wizards and amass a lot of wealth.
Some are great analysts of how the world works and become
 internationally renowned doctors, lawyers, engineers, traders and politicians.
Some take a song and a dance and make a living with it while the
whole world sings and dances along with them.

I always wanted to make an impact to the world.
To live a legacy behind.
But I just never knew what was my destiny.

All I have are words.
A thought process that is different from most because
I have a questioning mind on overdrive.
A hunger to understand truths, however difficult and frightening they may be.

Just a simple girl from a simple life trying to connect the dots on why there is so much darkness in our lives. How to become the best version of ourselves. How we can free ourselves from our past and the noise around us.

Writing about my experiences, my life, my understandings, my perspectives and my rise from the many falls has been therapeutic not just for me, but for many people who take courage from reading something not many people talk about.

It removes the loneliness that they are not alone in
feeling terrified when darkness descends.

It’s these moments of connection that makes all the writing worthwhile.

I am an entrepreneur who dreams big. I have made it work for 25 years, and I still am climbing. I don’t think I ever will stop climbing. There are many mountains, one after another and they all give different views and I want to see them all.

While climbing, I have fallen and injured myself, but to those who have yet to start the climb, my experience will assure them that that the climb does not kill. And that the climb is everything, not the destination as most people believe.

I have suffered depression and anxiety when I thought I lost everything, and did not know how to keep it all together. I had to climb the mountain of fear then, but as I climbed I realized it was just a mountain of my past regrets, guilts, shame, and so when I reached the top and felt the sunshine of freedom from the fears, the mountain collapsed. I wish a lot more people would realise that too.

I have two children who keep teaching me about balance. That life is not all about giving, even if you are a mother and you have been told that that’s all you must do.
I refuse to subscribe to that.

A woman does not have to be only a mother, a daughter and a wife. She can be all three and then some, but most importantly she is worthwhile and worthy on her own accord.

I want more women to resonate with that. I wish I had someone guide me through my journey of understanding my traumas and doubts in being mother, wife, daughter and…woman, but having no one to guide me but me, I learnt more.
And now I can teach others.

Most importantly, I have learnt that life is just one big adventure.

And writing is my way to help others understand that – to open their eyes , even if it is just a little, on the wonderful thing that is life, and how they can change everything about them, anytime they choose to...

The collection of stories in my first book, Through The Looking Glass,
 is a testament to this.

I hope you enjoy the book and I leave you with words from my favourite
author of all time, Stephen King.
“Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends.

In the end, it's about enriching the lives of those
who will read your work, and enriching
your own life, as well.

It's about getting up, getting well, and getting over.”

To purchase the book, please click the button below

Sneak Preview from inside the book

Winning the first and only pageant in my life. Well, we must try everything once, and this was my attempt at something way out of my territory. So been there, done that. Check.
This image is as Malaysian as it gets. The conferment of the title Dato' by the Sultan of Pahang. In Who Are We As A Nation? I ask if traditions make us Malaysians, or is it a common thread that unites us and gives us a commonality that makes us recognised as a country from the outside world
In Entrepreneurship, I talk about constantly evolving product and services to match with changing demands of a rapidly evolving market, while training and managing a team that can evolve accordingly. And that is just mere survival. Entrepreneurs need to think of everything, all at one go, while juggling three apples and running on a treadmill at the same time. And oh, don't forget the smile.
Divorce was a painful transformation at every level, but through it the new me was emerging. I unlearnt what was not good for me, and learnt to focus on what was. I started feeling the ground beneath my feet more firmly. I looked in the mirror and for the first time after a long time, I really liked and even admired who I saw looking back at me.
We do not remember days, we remember moments. In Life Hacks, Chapter 27, Infinite Passions Of Life, I explain how happiness is an inner job. There are infinite ways to be happy as there are infinite passions of life. The food we enjoy, the clothes we wear, the friends we make, the ambitions we plan - go all out ! Live your best moments today and live them with utmost passion. Just be wildly, passionately you.
We do not remember days, we remember moments. In, Infinite Passions Of Life, I explain how happiness is an inner job. There are infinite ways to be happy as there are infinite passions of life. The food we enjoy, the clothes we wear, the friends we make, the ambitions we plan - go all out ! Live your best moments today and live them with utmost passion. Just be wildly, passionately you.
It was this moment that I found my freedom from fear. I walked on stage to an event I built on my own, addressed 500 people for 20 minutes and had them spellbound and I knew then that I had finally arrived - on my own and at my terms. I had lived in fear my whole life of never being enough. A devastating divorce where I was cheated on further destroyed my self esteem. I had to build my business all over again from ground zero, and I collapsed from all that weight for awhile. But I built back better, slowly and surely, and this moment in 2021 was that defining moment for me.
The workplace was actually where I could spread my wings and be free to be who I could be. And define my future the way I want. It is the greatest equaliser for women, if a woman chooses to free her mind, and go get what she wants. Never did I ever lose an opportunity because I was a woman.

The only time I have been discriminated as a woman is at home, by my parents, my relatives and by my community.
Our bodies may age and may have a finite life span, but our soul is ageless. I started hiking at 46, and its been fun. Do anything you want, anytime. Keep your soul that of a 18 year old. Ageing souls accelerate the ageing of the body and we degenerate faster. Just because we think we should. Life begins at any age.
My generation was raised to believe that we are only good women if we are exemplary wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, care takers….anything for anyone else., but never defining ourselves as an individual outside that realm.

We grew up never knowing who we really are, what we really want, and we never dared think beyond being that good girl scenario of living our lives for someone else. Feminism changed all that with the Good Girls Go To Heaven , Bad Girls Go Everywhere motto, but sadly that wonderful freedom it started out to be has become insidious shadow of itself now.
Having a daughter is a joy. Its like looking at yourself in a mirror, and making sure you raise her up, in my case, entirely the opposite way I was raised. I never will put fear into her heart, make her doubt herself, or think she is less than a man. She is all that she wants to be and more. My biggest gift to her will be to teach her to be independant and financially free so that no decision she ever makes will be out of fear.
Before the babies came, it was just us and the dogs. When the first baby came, it was us, the dogs, the baby and the business we had started. All I wanted at that time was to buy my babies stuff and make them happy, and life was just so much simpler then. We were a family, we had each other, and that's all that mattered.
You go through all the motions - you laugh, talk, ask the appropriate questions… but deep down you ask yourself ‘IS THIS IT?”. Not knowing the answer is terrifying.
I am a firm believer in that you get what you want. Picture it hard enough, and you will get it at some point in your life. Maybe not the way you envision it, but you get it anyway. I went half way around the world on an adventure and co-own 10 acres of land in Nicaragua, and the prettiest little house made of teak wood in the middle of it all. Starting from scratch, creating an eco-sustainable community where we grow our own fruits and vegetables. And to breathe the cleanest , freshest air.
As confidence, happiness, adventure and love entered my space again after 8 years, music followed suit. I learnt to trust again, to feel joy again, and inevitably my fingers reached out for my old guitar which was abandoned for all that time I dusted her out. I changed her strings., I searched for my song sheets again. Life was normal again.
It is kinda surreal I tell you, the dazed feeling as you lie there on the dirt road, miles away from everything, with your hand bent out of shape. What is even more surreal is the two healthcare systems in countries where tax is collected to give a quality of life to all, but yet the poor need to wait for weeks to get a broken hand fixed.
You are an incredible source of energy, and an unstoppable force of nature. You can be anyone you want, do anything you need and all you need to do is believe in yourself and go get it.
Whatever we think is the worst thing that can happen to us, is actually God’s way of giving you strength, resilience and a gift for the future that you have not unwrapped yet. What I thought were the worst, most frightening years of my life, were actually the foundations for the best years of life that I instinctively know are coming.
Wisdom does not come from one source of textbooks. There are multiple wisdoms, and Mother Earth has much to teach. We are children of The Earth – no one entity should own us and tell us how to live.
One day, you will look back and see for yourself that, the people you were comparing yourself to were not even at your level. That you, on your own, believing in yourself, have done so much better for yourself in every way. 

Reviews

I knew Beatrice from 2010 when I was in Kuala Lumpur as Acting High Commissioner appointed in June 2009 to set up the Zambian High Commission for the first time with a small team of officials who were bewildered yet highly impressed about Malaysia which shares a common history of British colonialism and is now an economic success story. Among the successes was the fact that The IBR Asia Group had, at the time, two publications which the diplomatic corps avidly read concerning Women, called Passions, and the other which gave an insight into Malaysian business-called International Business Review. 

Dato Beatrice’s book ‘Through the Looking Glass’ is precisely what it promises to be; ‘heart songs, soul experiences and mind epiphanies’. The book is a riveting soul- searching account of the challenges and successes faced by many who have experienced the restrictions of culture in the setting of a modern society. From the prologue until the last page the book is filled with nuggets of truth, déjà vu realities which kept me captivated laughing and at time sharing the pain of navigating a rough life/work balance while societal criticisms and demands abound. 

As a Zambian career diplomat and now law lecturer and consultant; I totally relate to her questioning mind, her pain, transformation and the necessity to awaken the super-hero within. In African society as in Asian culture, the role of a woman is still defined and judged by men and ‘senior relatives’ who may not share the same aspirations we have. The centrality of marriage in African culture and the ability to persevere even the roughest journeys of the said marriage can be devastating. All done to please everyone else besides the woman. 

For every successful woman, apparently there’s a divorce! So the saying goes in Africa. So everything Dato Beatrice writes about resonates with our experience on the continent. But it’s in the metamorphosis, the climbing, the re-making of self and self-love where true happiness and success lies. 

Congratulations on this delightful expression of endurance and love Dato Beatrice! A must read for anyone in any culture. 

Amb. Michelle Mbilikwao Manda

LLM, PG dip International Relations & Diplomacy, LLB. 
I recently completed reading this remarkable book, which will captivate you. The author of this book is a longtime friend who is brilliant, vibrant, and a successful woman, mother, wife, daughter, and entrepreneur. Her vivid writing style, distinct outlook on life, and the obstacles she has overcome have left a lasting impression on me. Her unwavering determination and ambitious spirit, evident on every page, stood out the most. A fighter, she has overcome numerous obstacles to pursue her goal of becoming an author. I strongly recommend this book to anyone seeking encouragement, inspiration, and motivation to surmount obstacles. I am confident you will find it as inspiring and intriguing as I did.

Misbah Yasin

MBA, Mrs Pakistan World 2007, Mrs Ford Bend County 2009

“Through the Looking Glass” takes us on an inspiring voyage through the remarkable life of a ‘kampung’ girl who defied convention and societal norms to build a life of her own. This poignant narrative unveils the extraordinary journey of a woman who, in an era when women were expected to conform, broke free from the mould.

The story delves from her early years as a young woman to her struggles as a young wife and mother, setting up a new business venture, and further on through the pain and betrayal of divorce. Her story will resonate with many for it deals with navigating the oppressive weight of family and societal expectations, the will to be free and live one’s life as they see fit, and the various challenges that come with those decisions. Yet through it all, she looked within herself, forged ahead, and clung to the belief that happiness is a state of mind, and something which can be found in the simplest pleasures of life.

This is a story of how the author emerged from the cocoon of a provincial life to spread her wings and chase her dreams. This is a story of resilience, empowerment, and the triumph of the human spirit. It reinforces the age-old notion that hard work pays off, and that, in the end, being authentic to oneself is the key to finding true happiness. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking inspiration and a reminder that, no matter the odds, one can overcome challenges and emerge victorious in the journey of life.

Professor Dato’ Elizabeth Lee

Group CEO, Sunway Education Group
Dato' Beatrice.... has a particular genius for melding the universally shared occurrence with her own. Her very specific experience of her life's journey is beautifully written and shared.
She's at the height of her power here... She's honest, vulnerable yet brave, and funny from the first pages, freely acknowledging contradictions that she still hasn't been able to tame.
She is our own Malaysian Jacquie Jordan, need I to say more?

Datin Emilia R Uzir

Ambassador of Australia Malaysia Business Chamber, Western Australia.
“Through the Looking Glass” is a mesmerizing book that artfully weaves a tale of resilience and self-discovery. Much like the classic tale of Alice’s adventures in Wonderland, this book takes readers on a captivating journey in the pursuit of one’s dreams.
This book is a profound reflection on the idea that, much like the fine wine that emerges from the crushing and stomping of grapes, life’s hardships are valuable lessons in disguise. It emphasizes the importance of standing firm in the face of adversity and holding onto one’s beliefs and dreams.
An essential read for anyone who finds themselves on a challenging life journey, it serves as a guiding light, reminding us to be authentic and resolute in the pursuit of our goals.
In a world where resilience is the key to unlocking greatness, “Through the Looking Glass” is an inspirational testament to the unwavering spirit needed to achieve one’s full potential, showing that the journey may be difficult, but with determination and authenticity, we can all achieve our dreams. I actually could hear her voice, see her smile and hear her laughter as I read. Her energy was felt.

Maladevi Dorasamy

CEO, Malaysia International Trade and Exhibition Centre (MITEC)
Drawing deeply from her heart and a place of resilience, Beatrice's generous and transparent sharing of her life is enthralling as an autobiography as well as serving as a bright light guiding those lost on the spiral staircases of life. 
Some may see a flag for women liberation, while others may see a flag for independent resistance to mainstream ideology. But the careful reader will be quenched by the wisdom of a woman that has opened herself to transformation: digested within the "blood-sucking" cocoon of life, and emerging more radiant in her confidence and determination to fly higher than one could ever imagine.
It is a book which every woman and man will treasure. Its easy enough for men to put ourselves in her shoes (minus the high heels). 
More than tugging at heart strings, the chapters are like pulleys, accelerating the reader upwards towards what can be the best of him or herself. 
One of the deepest parts of the book is where she talks about toxic relationships. "The narcissist’s victim would start blaming themselves for ‘triggering’ the narcissist, who would keep layering the guilt by showing the victim the error of their ways - that they was not open enough, accepting enough, loving enough and embracing enough to all that was dear to the narcissist." This is the type of deep insights that act as lifeguards that help survivors swim against the crashing tides of guilt. This is the kind of revolution she talks about - of the mind. 
I am honored and blessed to know Beatrice as a friend. As a senior in university, she looked out and protected us freshies from being bullied. It comes as no surprise that her book will be a best-seller for years to come - giving hope and the courage of lions to entrepreuners and to those searching for the greatness life has in store for them. 

Dr Brendan J Gomez

Consulting Psychologist & US Fulbrighter
I have known Dato Beatrice since 2008 when I was the Managing Director of KPJ Healthcare Berhad. We worked together well and she has delivered outstanding masterpieces, working hard to deliver quality and differentiation for us with amazing results and outcomes. Her knowledge and commitment is beyond doubt.
This book highlights the classic journey of a woman entrepreneur building her self esteem and self worth while going against the tide of negative views society has on women. She writes openly and honestly on all the challenges and hurdles of life, pain, trauma, betrayal, a divorce, building a business back from scratch, picking up the pieces to rise to the top again after falling hard.
It’s a feel good story of a woman, against all odds, rising from the ashes to find happiness and a sense of purpose again.
Her daring move to share her true life is an opportunity for everyone to emulate and take inspiration from the best of what she has taught.

Tan Sri Siti Sa’adiah

Chairman of Duopharma Biotech Berhad & 
Former Managing Director of KPJ Healthcare Berhad
From a small town in Malaysia with extremely traditional parents and outlooks to becoming one of Malaysia’s most prominent business women Beatrice subtly draws you into her journey. This book could so easily have been one of disappointment, disapproval and ultimately betrayal of trust but it’s not. 
Beatrice gives a very honest and candid insight into how she overcame life’s tragedies with a positive mindset. Relentless in achieving goals she sets herself and openly embracing what many would deem failures to realign and grow. In an increasingly confused and volatile world the majority of people look to live in a comfort zone, this is a book about moving beyond this into the uncomfortable, defining purpose and achieving it. I am fortunate to know Beatrice personally and anyone spending time with her would acknowledge her extraordinary enthusiasm, energy and zest for life. No fluff, no BS and no punches pulled - this is an inspiring read.

Colin Whitehead

Former Head, SE Asia Macquarie Bank SAF.
The world pussyfoots around talking of pain, Beatrice however, so authentically and courageously, shares hers with transparency in this book.
What struck me most when I met Beatrice was her yearning to make this lifetime the most meaningful, for herself, and the best for others. Many of us ponder, "Do I live life from that childhood conditioning or risk living life by making my own informed choices, and I take responsibility for my choices?”
It takes a container truckload of courage to do the latter. It is a path less followed in our society, and I am so much in appreciation of Beatrice for choosing the latter. 
It isn't easy, AND it is well worth it. Reading Beatrice's book, a quote by James Campbell that resonates with her life journey comes to mind, ”Suddenly you are ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but by god you're alive and it's spectacular.

Sudha Kudva

Registered and Licenced Counselor, EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist, President, Trauma Therapy Association

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Through the Looking Glass

Through The Looking Glass is a regular column in New Sarawak Tribune by Dato Beatrice Nirmala and we have categorized all her writings into 6 unique perspectives.
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